May 23, 2010 - 9:41 PM
For the last few weeks I've done my best to avoid the Honors College. It stresses me out. Believe it or not, I've managed to stay fairly relaxed and not perturbed by my imminent thesis defense, graduation, job requirements, Teach For America training, and countless other necessities I must focus on before I leave Eugene. Every time I stop by the Honors College I am always confronted by friends, faculty members, or office staff that inquire about my thesis progress and hint at how busy and stressed I must be. Surprisingly, I haven't been stressed, but then I think that I should be stressed and start getting nostalgic over the fact that I have only two weeks left in Eugene. Thus, I do my best to not think about the onslaught of deadlines and changes ahead and take them as the come. It's getting harder, though.
Adding to places I try stay away from: I find myself not wanting to visit Facebook. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; the social networking site can easily consume time in a thoughtless, pointless manner. However, it does have it's merits in certain respects. Nonetheless, the acquaintances I've made through Teach For America that I'll be teaching with in Tulsa next year love to countdown and fret about the fact that we start working in two weeks, and they are nervous about getting the pre-work done, finding housing, moving, and teaching. I think to myself, "Great, just another set of issues I haven't had time to confront." In addition, this makes me angry more than anything because a lot of these individuals have already graduated and have time on their hands; I don't.
One thing I realize more and more is that I channel myself back to my friends to avoid stress and the countless obligations I have weighing on me. There's simply no possible way to handle everything at once, so I deal with one thing at a time and I don't panic. I understand how it's easy for people to get emotional and nostalgic about change, but it's just not my style. I can't dwell on my "last this, last that" or the huge laundry list of stuff I have to get accomplished. Though not consciously, I find myself spending as much of weeks in Eugene with my friends as possible, and I like to think that this is indicative of the fact that I'm a level-headed, rational person with my priorities in line.
Nonetheless, I sit in my room as I write this surrounded by half-empty moving boxes loaded with various personal belongings, a reminder that my time in Eugene is numbered. It's a pretty surreal feeling, and it's getting harder not to stress. I am lucky to have my friends to keep me level-headed, and it will be a huge relief to be done with my thesis in several short days. On top of that, I will be headed back to Phoenix on Wednesday for my sister's high school graduation. I need nothing more right now than some time at home, a little break from the action, and that huge monkey (called a thesis) off my back. 72 hours and counting. Until then, I'm just takin' it one thing at a time.