May 23, 2010 - 6:39 PM
I love cats more than 99% of the population, I am sure of it. They are puurfect with their soft fur, cuddle-lovins, and their playful personalities. I know where all of the friendly kitties in my neighborhood live and I go visit them often as one way I take care of myself. My husband and I have been in a long discussion with our landlord about having an outside cat (my husband is allergic so an inside cat wouldn't work anyway) but he isn't favorable in the least. He wants to charge us a very large deposit even with the cat being outside. This has been a very sad experience for me and I've had to be careful to not fall in love with a little ball of fur.
Well I failed at my attempt to stay away from kitties. I was looking for jobs on craigslist and started clicking on different links. I'm always intrigued with the random items posted in the free category; toilets, roosters, beds, dirt, grandma's trees, and KITTIES! I looked at the picture of the cute little bundles of perfection and like an addict, couldn't stop myself from clicking on pets afterwards and looking at ALL of the kitties. Of course I found some that I fell in love with.
So that night when I came home, I pulled up one of my favorite cats; he was a bit older, gray and white, and looked as soft as a bunny. I wrote out a note that said "I fell in love" and put it against the computer screen for my husband to find. He did find it and came to me and we talked about the possibility of getting a cat this summer. I have the best husband in the world, I've said it before and I will say it a million times over again. One of the qualifiers he has that earns him this title is to notice my love of cats and show a true willingness to get one despite his allergies and the unreasonable demands of our landlord.
Brian is going to talk with our landlord and as graduation approaches, so does my opportunity to get a kitty. This is the best way I can imagine starting off the summer, especially since I am putting applications out into the job hunting abyss and haven't had a job materialize yet. No school will be a shock and a major adjustment and a beautiful kitten is the best way I can imagine redirecting my attention and focus for awhile . . . since I don't have a baby yet, but that's another blog.
May 23, 2010 - 6:04 PM
The countdown is feeling more real than ever and as I'm watching graduation approach, time is beginning to slow down. I am sad to see the friendships go but I am suddenly very tired and just want to lie around the house and recuperate. It is incredible how much my body has gone through in these past two years and how able I was to push through with what I needed. I am just a blink away from the end and the exhaustion from the marathon is hitting me hard.
I am sssooooooo close but it still feel so far. I only have two weeks left of classes, which means only 4 days of sitting in actual classrooms. Classes are three hours each but they feel much longer now. All of the reading and class topics seem like busy work or irrelevant at this point in the game. Homework too. I have two more papers to write that I'd hoped to finish up weeks ago because I had a sneaky suspicion my term would start to go the way it is now. I tell you what, it is like pulling teeth to try and sit down and write these papers! Just like classes and readings, they feel like busy work. I am trying to keep a positive focus but I can feel the grumpy negative symptoms of senioritis creeping in and taking hold. This is making the end of my race feel like I'm running through ankle deep wet tar. I am going very slow and am fighting a lot of resistance to move forward.
I think a lot of this has to do with the fact I just went through the process of writing a nearly 100 page paper and made a 45 minute defense presentation in order to graduate. Praise God everything went perfect and I passed with flying colors. The problem is, every other assignment and academic responsibility seems like busy work in comparison.
Thankfully, the one exception is my time with clients. True, I am noticing some lack of motivation to go into session sometimes, but I am always fully present and feel like I am doing good work. I have 17 more relational hours to do before I meet the graduation requirements and it is a miracle that I'm going to get those hours! Two months ago I had 60 direct relational hours to get and only 2 relational cases. I was certain I would have to stay at the UO through the summer and pay for another term of supervision. Once I realized this was the case, I panicked and had some serious conversations with God about it. Within days, I had relational cases pouring in and I'm going to make it! Yay!
Now if only I could pull some of that enthusiasm and apply it to my papers, my life would be a lot easier right now.
May 17, 2010 - 7:00 AM
I hate job hunting! I knew this was coming up for me and I had time to mentally prepare myself for the work and the annoyingness of filling out applications, writing cover letters, and mailing out resumes and vitas into the vast sea of potential employers who I am trying to entice. There are two things that I really don't like about the process. The first is the time consuming aspect. The work is tedious and boring and I am not any more a fan of filling out application after application (with the same information that is on my resume by the way) than I am the busy work I've done throughout my college career. Yet I do fill out all of these forms and am in the process of checking for new job openings that fit for me on a daily basis and then waiting.
The second nasty aspect of job hunting is unique to the place I am at in my career. . . the beginning. I don't have any paid experience and it is sad that unpaid experience through internships, externship, and volunteer work doesn't account for much in the paying world's eyes. I'm left then selling myself based on my education and my "niche" based on where I worked for my externship. The problem with that is, there are 15 other students graduating with me who are staying in Eugene. They have the same education they are trying to sell to potential employers.
This has got to be a nightmare for the agencies looking to fill a position. There is such a flood of applicants all saying the same thing with slight twists based on our interests and or externship associations. Applying for jobs is hush-hush among the students. No one wants to tell anyone else where the jobs are that they've found and no one wants to make others feel bad if they are the one who is hired for an open position. It feels sad to me that the most competitive part of the program is happening now when we are all trying to get in our last bonding moments.
I have to confess that even though I know I have the luxury of some time to find the right job and my faith that lets me understand God is my provider, not a job or anything else; I am still struggling with others in the programs getting the jobs I am applying for. I feel inferior even though I know in my mind that is a ridiculous thought. I struggle with these thoughts mildly from time to time. But even more than this intrusive and unwanted battle, I am frustrated that every job that goes to someone else is a wasted resume, and ultimately wasted time on my part.
I am glad that this process won't last forever. My husband just got a job and I know my turn is coming. I just saw another round of jobs posted and I need to dig into filling out all the needed paperwork for positions again. One of these times, it will pay off.
May 17, 2010 - 6:40 AM
Yes, it's true, there is now officially less than one month before I will be walking across the stage at Mac Court in an Oregon Green gown complete with a light blue and yellow Master's hood. It seems nearly impossible to think that looming date is so quickly approaching, yet I am noticing a shift in the cohort from working our minds and bodies to death, to complete everything, to preparing ourselves for the transition particularly in the HEDCO clinic.
We have started the process of moving out of our work with our clients at HEDCO, mentally preparing ourselves (as much as possible) for the quick, awkward, and final break from these relationships that have been a meaningful part of our time at the UO. For some, the therapeutic relationship has spanned the entire year of our internship. It is so strange to find myself on this side of the "transfer process." The transfer process is an important aspect of my work at HEDCO. Basically, I and all of the other 2nd year students who have been seeing clients are matched with a 1st year student (soon to be 2nd year students) who will take over our client case load.
This is a unique relationship. My job is to work with my match and prepare them for life in HEDCO. I am showing them the ropes with the AV system for recording sessions, watching sessions, scheduling clients, keeping neat files, and most importantly, being a source of encouragement. There are so many important pieces of being a therapist that are learned throughout the course of internships and externships. I have been intentional about passing down what I've learned and what works for me to manage the different roles I have been playing as a wife, mother, student, intern, and more throughout this past year. I am glad that my match also has a family and I feel that we fit together well in that respect.
I remember what it was like for me when I was on the receiving end of the transfer process what feels like a month or two ago. I didn't get along particularly well with my 2nd year match which made the process a weird one. . . I hope that I am a better fit for my match and hope to make this process as positive as possible for the both of us; as much as that depends on me.
I feel like I am coping well with the change. I will miss HEDCO tremendously and all of the fun times I was a part of in the back room and sharing life with the amazing people I am blessed to work and study with in the program. I am feeling ok about transitioning out of my client case load. I have one longer term client who is going through the transfer process and all other cases are relatively new and I haven't developed a bond in the same way I have with some other clients, knowing that I will not be working with them for very long. Now, the clients at my externship are a different story; but, I won't get into that too much right now because my brain hasn't had the time to take a look at that transition yet.
May 9, 2010 - 9:19 PM
Six years of college straight out of high school. . . Counting Kindegarden, I have been in school now for 19 years straight. I'm 24 years old which means I have spent the vast majority of my existence being a student. This is a major part of my identity and looking at the overwhelmingly quick end to my academic career is both incredibly exciting and desperately sad. I'm trying to push through the last few weeks like also making the time last.
I have a massive case of senioritis to top off all my conflicting emotions about being done with school. I am more than happy to see clients, but showing up for class and all other assignments and readings feel like a joke. Everything feels so insignificant in comparison to the hurdle I've just jumped. Why oh why can't the last four weeks of classes consist of hanging out with my friends and my clients? I'm so over classes it's not even funny.
This is a strange feeling for me because I love to learn and I've never felt so ok with not being 125% on top of things and ahead of the game. I really want to just hurry up and finish everything else I need to get done this term but I'm finding myself more and more passing on homework for any distraction I can find. My goal is to step out of this laziness for this one week and knock all of my work out so I can enjoy my rest without lingering guilt.
I can't be too hard on myself though, after 19 years of school I think I've earned the right to have a week or two of not caring about anything related to school. So this is senioritis huh? I'm kinda enjoying it. Only 4 more weeks of class. . . I can do this!