May 23, 2010 - 6:04 PM
The countdown is feeling more real than ever and as I'm watching graduation approach, time is beginning to slow down. I am sad to see the friendships go but I am suddenly very tired and just want to lie around the house and recuperate. It is incredible how much my body has gone through in these past two years and how able I was to push through with what I needed. I am just a blink away from the end and the exhaustion from the marathon is hitting me hard.
I am sssooooooo close but it still feel so far. I only have two weeks left of classes, which means only 4 days of sitting in actual classrooms. Classes are three hours each but they feel much longer now. All of the reading and class topics seem like busy work or irrelevant at this point in the game. Homework too. I have two more papers to write that I'd hoped to finish up weeks ago because I had a sneaky suspicion my term would start to go the way it is now. I tell you what, it is like pulling teeth to try and sit down and write these papers! Just like classes and readings, they feel like busy work. I am trying to keep a positive focus but I can feel the grumpy negative symptoms of senioritis creeping in and taking hold. This is making the end of my race feel like I'm running through ankle deep wet tar. I am going very slow and am fighting a lot of resistance to move forward.
I think a lot of this has to do with the fact I just went through the process of writing a nearly 100 page paper and made a 45 minute defense presentation in order to graduate. Praise God everything went perfect and I passed with flying colors. The problem is, every other assignment and academic responsibility seems like busy work in comparison.
Thankfully, the one exception is my time with clients. True, I am noticing some lack of motivation to go into session sometimes, but I am always fully present and feel like I am doing good work. I have 17 more relational hours to do before I meet the graduation requirements and it is a miracle that I'm going to get those hours! Two months ago I had 60 direct relational hours to get and only 2 relational cases. I was certain I would have to stay at the UO through the summer and pay for another term of supervision. Once I realized this was the case, I panicked and had some serious conversations with God about it. Within days, I had relational cases pouring in and I'm going to make it! Yay!
Now if only I could pull some of that enthusiasm and apply it to my papers, my life would be a lot easier right now.